a wise woman...

Well said Doreen! The older I get, the more I trus...

2011-02-14T14:12:51.023-08:00

Well said Doreen! The older I get, the more I trust that the universe has a much better idea of the timing of things than I do. Here's to a 2011 that will exceed even your best expectations!!

Thanks Lyn! Staying focused on what we want instea...

2011-02-04T16:19:55.823-08:00

Thanks Lyn! Staying focused on what we want instead of concentrating on what we don't want has, and continues to, serve me well!! So good to hear this resonates with you too!!

I'm SO with you, Lauri! 2010 was a difficult y...

2011-02-04T09:00:17.856-08:00

I'm SO with you, Lauri! 2010 was a difficult year for me. I didn't achieve the forward motion I had been seeking on some of my goals. But yet, there was much positive energy to support me and give me encouragement. I think the key is to realize that we can't always control WHEN things will happen, that we have to remain positive and practice improving our ability to be patient. And it will come.

Happy Year of the Rabbit! May 2011 be much better for us all.

well said!!! We sooo need to have girly time for o...

2011-01-20T10:39:41.571-08:00

well said!!! We sooo need to have girly time for ourselves to connect, share, and of course henna as we relax!!

Laurie - I'm with you there - it is a constant...

2011-01-18T22:39:04.806-08:00

Laurie - I'm with you there - it is a constant battle - but one worth winning! Thank-you....Lyn

Another great posting Lauri! Where do I find a se...

2010-12-20T14:34:21.458-08:00

Another great posting Lauri! Where do I find a set of cooel crayons like that?!

Mahalo for sharing this lovely encounter.

2010-11-20T05:48:16.223-08:00

Mahalo for sharing this lovely encounter.

Lynette, Bear and djl, To say that I could come ...

2010-11-16T21:40:48.956-08:00

Lynette, Bear and djl,

To say that I could come close to capturing the essence of the Aunties is indeed high praise. Thank you for taking a few moments to read about my encounter with these sage gals, as well as to offer your respective thoughts. It was an honour to be in their presence and to experience all that is Molokai. I experienced a congruence that doesn't happen often in my travels - but when it does - it sure hits you between the eyes.

Wonderful pictures! They really capture the Auntie...

2010-11-16T16:37:17.521-08:00

Wonderful pictures! They really capture the Auntie in her glory. There is a reason that Molokai people, from the smallest keiki, show so much respect for their kupuna. They understand, intuitively, the wisdom being passed down.

Beautifully seen and I loved your description of y...

2010-11-16T16:13:54.421-08:00

Beautifully seen and I loved your description of your interaction with her. It honors the humanity that you shared with her in those brief moments. Thank you for sharing it with me....... Bear

Lovely! You really captured the essence of our Aun...

2010-11-16T15:45:40.183-08:00

Lovely! You really captured the essence of our Aunties.

Angie, Thanks for taking the time to offer your ...

2010-05-18T11:59:12.708-07:00

Angie,

Thanks for taking the time to offer your thoughts, they are so welcomed! I'm pleased the notion of being deliberate resonated with you. To build on your comments, as grown women we've learned to be deliberate in so many other areas of our lives, which is wonderful. It's time we transfer that skill to the areas of our lives that refuel and recharge us! Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts Angie!

Lauri, Your last sentence really struck a cord wi...

2010-05-12T10:40:38.388-07:00

Lauri,
Your last sentence really struck a cord with me. "Deliberate"; What a great concept! We put so many things ahead of our own needs when really, taking care of ourselves is what enables us to take care of others. thanks.
Angie

All so true Lauri and thank God for the wonderful ...

2010-05-06T15:22:48.484-07:00

All so true Lauri and thank God for the wonderful women in my life who share their laughter, tears, challenges, knowledge and hugs unconditionally!

hello Lauri. This is a great post. Thank you for...

2010-04-13T18:14:23.699-07:00

hello Lauri. This is a great post. Thank you for sharing :).

I'm a big fan of Interconnectedness. We includ...

2010-02-09T14:11:30.161-08:00

I'm a big fan of Interconnectedness. We included a whole animated short for children on this subject in The Little Earth Charter.

Thank-you for this post!

I fully agree. Sometimes after consciously assessi...

2010-01-19T11:30:19.589-08:00

I fully agree. Sometimes after consciously assessing our social circle, we may indeed find it important to let a friendship fade away that is not longer a fit for us. In fact it is important to give ourselves permission to move away from these relationships if that is what feels right for us. To continue on with the friendship as it always was when it's no longer a fit,will only create feelings of resentment. It's also not fair to the friend if we're not being honest about how we feel.

If you think about it, we have unwritten 'contracts' with the people in our lives. "With this person I am the listener, this is the person I tell everything to, I trade childcare with this person, I check in with this person each day, I laugh a lot with this person, I have Friday night dinners with this person etc."

When we feel that a frienship is no longer a fit for us, what we're really saying is that we want to change the contract we have with this person. Sometimes we may want to cancel the contract all together, and we have that right. We are the experts with respect to knowing what's good and healthy for us. Sometimes however, we may only want to change certain aspects of the contract - and that's okay too.

No matter what changes you choose to make,there are many ways to handle this delicate situation with grace, care and kindness. And when you have the best interests of your friend at the forefront of your mind, it won't be possible to do it any other way!

One way to approach the situation is to simply let nature take its course. Over time, as you continue to behave differently with your friend, you can trust that her intuition will sense that you, and the situation, has changed. Time will take care of things and eventually you'll both create new rhythms, habits and patterns.

If, as you have expressed, your friend resists the changes she's seeing in you, the best way to handle this is to have an honest conversation with her. As difficult as this may seem, most of us appreciate honest communication. Let her know what's going on for you in terms of your needs, goals and learning opportunities. Make it more about the changes that are happening for you than about what she's not able to fulfill in your friendship.

Either way, because it's important to you to help the friendship fade away with kindness, you'll do everything in your power to accomplish that, and at the same time honour your feelings and be true to who you are and what you need.

But here's a question for you Lauri: I believ...

2009-12-18T06:20:02.095-08:00

But here's a question for you Lauri: I believe that are sometimes when we just have to let friends go. How do we let go gently when perhaps the other person doesn't want to let go? This is something I'm dealing with now and I really am a loss as to how to proceed. When you realize you don't have much in common with a friend anymore, and being with them doesn't "speak" to you or fill your soul, then how does a wise woman help the friendship fade away with kindness?

Hi Lauri, Thanks for your additional words. Can ...

2009-12-13T02:47:56.109-08:00

Hi Lauri,
Thanks for your additional words. Can you believe that I did it again last night...deflected praise? At a party someone said I always look so thin and I said, oh wow, and I even want to lose 10 pounds right now! Sigh. It's so easy to not just say 'thanks', isn't it? Something most of us probably have to work at (as you say, it takes time), but clearly something I still do! :-)

Beth, Thanks for offering another layer of wisdom...

2009-12-09T08:29:33.174-08:00

Beth,

Thanks for offering another layer of wisdom on the notion of praise. As usual...well said!

What I think we forget is that it is possible for us to humbly accept praise with grace, and still let it in.

When we get in the habit of deflecting authentic, well-earned praise neither the giver nor the receiver benefits from the exchange.

When we let praise "in", or in other words, sanction it, we walk a little taller and become a bit stronger. When we strengthen ourselves we are better able to take on the next goal or big challenge in our lives.

If we were raised to be "Habitual Praise Deflecters" it may take some practice to retrain our usual response to praise - but it can be done. It starts with controlling the little voice in your head and helping it to simply respone with "thank you". Over time, easier and easier!

Hi Lauri, I just knew I had to come and check out ...

2009-12-05T19:02:01.213-08:00

Hi Lauri,
I just knew I had to come and check out your blog post on praise after you read mine on why we doubt ourselves. What you say is so true. I think culture can often have a big impact on this phenomenon as well. I once did a 6 month internship in China and I particularly found there that deflecting compliments was expected. It got kind of tiring after a while.

We've somehow come to see accepting praise as being conceited and many people seem to feel much more comfortable when they are deflecting. I agree, let's turn it around!

Look forward to more of your thoughts in the future,
Beth

I'm loving the way you think, Lauri. Loving bi...

2009-11-18T05:30:52.113-08:00

I'm loving the way you think, Lauri. Loving birthdays, appreciating the moment, cherishing our friends -- these are things/topics that are also very important to me. So you've hooked me! I've now listed your blog in my list of favourites, become one of your followers and have subscribed to your blog. I look forward to many more insights we can discuss and share.

I hope you'll give my blog a look and return the favour. Would love to have you join my "tribe" at: http://doreenisthewizardofwords.blogspot.com/

I am so glad to find this blog. What a terrific i...

2009-11-15T13:52:52.727-08:00

I am so glad to find this blog. What a terrific idea. I am an overworked Information Technology Director, mother of an Autistic daughter and a brittle Type 1 Diabetic. It is easier to get one more thing done rather than spend time with my friends. I really like the support of spending off time with great friends as something as important as all my other roles. Thank you so much. Looking forward to more of your blog-thoughts ;) Angie

I completely agree with your concept, Lauri. One o...

2009-11-05T08:39:40.002-08:00

I completely agree with your concept, Lauri. One of my best friends lives in Vanc and makes an annual trek to be with us gals here in MB. (She's originally from here.) And this year, 7 of us writer gals made time after a work-related conference to have a 2-day retreat where we could just chill out together. We're already looking forward to next year's! I think it's really important to set aside special "girl time" as we women tend to otherwise put everyone else's needs ahead of our own. Good luck with your site.