Choosing Friends with Intention

A wise woman...surrounds herself with people who are good for her.

I remember the first time I gave conscious thought to the whole notion of friendship. I was at a conference and the keynote speaker talked about how much we're impacted by the people around us, and reminded us to be deliberate and intentional about who we spend time with. I came home from the conference thinking non-stop about this message and how it applied to me. Over the next few months I found myself giving serious thought to who I was spending time with, and more importantly, how I felt when I was with them.

For me it came down to two basic questions. Does this person leave me feeling good, or not so good? What I discovered is that there were many friends who left me feeling positive, happy and energized. Woo hoo! There were other friends however, that left me feeling negative, down, and a bit of the life sucked out of me.

While I felt loads of gratitude about the friends that I thought were good for me, I was at the same time questioning why I was spending time with people who weren't making a particularly positive impact on my life. These were my "glass half empty" friends - the ones who have good hearts, but also gave me the distinct privilege of listening to them constantly vent about what was wrong with the world, and for whom things never seemed to go right. Ugh...

This realization prompted me to do something rather bold. I brazenly sat down and wrote a list of the characteristics of the kinds of friends I was looking for - and lo and behold...they started to appear.

While I could wax eloquent about the cognitive psychological reasoning for my ability to identify these new friends with my desired characteristics - the effortless reason is - because I was deliberate and intentional about identifying what I was looking for.

My big "ah-ha" with this experience was that in the past I had been very unintentional about creating my social sphere, and that in order to be good to myself, it was important to make friendships with deliberate intent versus by default.

I still love my glass half empty friends, I just choose to appreciate them in smaller doses.

Time With My Girlfriends

A wise woman...knows that when women gather they are stronger

The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to make space in my life for girlfriends.Sometimes I get so focused on what needs to get done next on my to-do list, that taking time out to spend with my girlfriends feels like a guilty pleasure. And yet I always feel good after I’ve spent time with them.

When I get together with my friends we talk about things we're passionate about, share our personal experiences, exchange our views on every topic that comes to mind, and I always come away having learned something new. We celebrate the good stuff, commiserate about the tough stuff, and without any notice we may burst into a belly laugh that leaves tears in our eyes. It’s a cleansing feeling to share a good belly laugh with my friends – it clears my head and allows me to really “be” in the moment.

Starting Wise Women's Weekends was my way of deliberately making time with my friends and has been one of the best things I’ve done for myself. And while I will continue to have my official annual get-awaywith the gals, what I know now is that once a year isn’t enough. Whether we meet for coffee or go for a walk, whether there’s two of us or ten, making time with my friends throughout the year has become a priority for me because I’ve learned that it’s one of the ways I take care of myself.

Most importantly, I come away from my time with my girlfriends feeling connected, strong, and valued. I think one of the greatest luxuries in life is to feel that you are heard and understood, and I feel that way when I’ve hung out for awhile with my friends.

I love this picture of my Wise Women and I sharing one of our many belly laughs - it's just good for the soul.

I found this short clip about Girlfriends by entertainer Nicole Johnson - enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDhmKwN9DNw