The Interconnectedness of All Things

A wise woman...intentionally strengthens herself and others.

I remember the exact moment I heard the word Ubuntu for the first time. I was having dinner with a client and we hit the ground running with our conversation. Within a nanosecond or two we were swapping our respective philosophies on life and finding common ground everywhere we looked.

About 20 minutes into our high-spirited dialogue my dinner partner offered the word Ubuntu to sum up his personal philosophical foundation. After noticing the quizzical look on my face he graciously offered a definition. 

He said, "Ubuntu means - I am because of how you are, you are because of how I am. It's a way of seeing the world, recognizing the interconnectedness of all things, and honouring those relationships."

He went on to explain that Ubuntu has many aspects to it. Intrigued and inspired I needed to know more about this new addition to my vocabulary, so I did what I always do when that happens, I consulted "The Google." Here's what I found.

"The word "Ubuntu" (pronounced uu-boon-too) is a traditional African philosophy that offers us an understanding of ourselves in relation to the world. According to Ubuntu, there exists a common bond between us all and it is through this bond, through our interaction with our fellow human beings, that we discover our own human qualities." Source - http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/7-22-2006-103206.asp 

It's amazing to me that one little word can represent something so big.

So, I let the word and its meaning roll around in my brain for awhile to determine  how Ubuntu was represented in my life. Turns out, of course, it exists in every nook and cranny of my world. Whether I consider family, work, community, nation or globe I can see how I am because of how others are, and how others are because of how I am. We are indeed connected, in observable as well as indescribable ways. The actions of one, affect the outcome of all.

So what does that mean for our lives? For me it means that I believe I have a personal accountability to take good care of myself in all ways that matter; mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially, 'schedule-ly', and educationally... because how I am, affects how you are.

If we support and value the essence of Ubuntu, do we also have a collective responsibility to care for each other? To support and encourage each other? To intentionally look for ways to strengthen and raise each other up?

After reflection I now know that as we approach our seventh year since our inaugural Wise Women's Weekend, it was Ubuntu that was at the very heart of my desire to gather women together for a weekend of learning, sharing and connection to help us understand ourselves better in relation to the world. Back in 2004 I remember thinking, "I already know what I know for now, I want to know what they know." I wanted their wisdom to leverage my journey, discover more about my human qualities as I become the best version of me, and vice versa. 

Ubuntu - I am because of how you are, you are because of how I am. 

Let's continue to gather often and celebrate the power of our connectedness.

Click here to watch a clip of Nelson Mandela explain Ubuntu. 

http://dotsub.com/view/2ff54345-ea2f-492e-b62a-46a04ff2221e

10 Ways to Redefine Pampering

A Wise Woman...finds creative ways to pamper herself.

When you hear the word pamper, what comes to mind?


If you're like many of us, you might get a mental flash of Zen music, a candle lit room, and a mani-pedi or massage. All are wonderful, and I look forward to my next opportunity to experience them, but are these "every once in awhile" experiences the only opportunities we have to pamper ourselves? 


Let's re-frame our definition of pampering to include more of our everyday lives.

1. Spend time with a friend that feeds your soul - someone who makes you feel good about who you are when you're with them.
2. Eat well. Avoid the foods that make you feel tired, bloated and sluggish. Feed your body the way you know works the best for you. Just choose.
3. Read something, watch something or listen to something that feeds your head with information that nourishes, or strengthens you. What you put into your head affects how your day goes.
4. Choose to get enough sleep. Your 'inbox' is always going to be full and your to-do list will always have things that need your attention. Overworking yourself doesn't make anything easier. When you're rested, you have more energy to get things done.
5. As you lay there with your eyes closed, ready to fall asleep, think about the things that went well today and about what you're looking forward to tomorrow. Forget the rest.
6. Play. Find a bucket of bubbles and bubble wand, pull out a deck of cards or anything else that will bring out your inner girl. She needs to come out and play more often.
7. Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, take some moments to vividly imagine how you really want your day to go today. You'll vastly increase your chances of making it happen if you've already imagined it in your head.
8. Plan your day so that you can calmly arrive on time. You'll give yourself the gift of being in a better head space.
9. Find an opportunity to perform a Random Act of Kindness. It's okay that you get as much, or sometimes more, out of it than the person you assisted. Really...it's okay.
10. Pull out the hobby that you've tucked away because you think you don't have time for it. No one needs to be that busy - it's not healthy. Choose to make the time, you deserve it.

Pampering...it's simply being good to yourself. 

I'd like to hear from you. What are some of the ways you redefine pampering?

Expanding Our Inner Circle

A wise woman...actively welcomes new friends into her life.

When was the last time you made a new friend?

Sometimes we run our lives at such an incredible pace that we find ourselves operating on auto pilot with respect to our friendships. All these years later, we're still spending our time with the same people we went to school with, raised our kids with or worked side by side with.

Having lifelong friendships, as long as they are healthy ones, is certainly something to celebrate. I feel it's a privilege to have people in my life who know the real me - the good, the bad, the strong, and the wobbly - and still love and support me unconditionally.

But what about expanding our inner circle? Is it important to purposefully seek out new friendships?

It's energizing to meet someone new that I "click" with.  I feel validated as we discover our similarities and feel inspired as we learn from each other. Forming new friendships is a great opportunity to tell 'our story' to a new set of ears, which assists us in becoming that much clearer about who we are inside.

Welcoming new friends into my life opens up my peripheral vision and allows me to see my world through a slightly different lens. I learn things about myself which adds to my growth and development as a friend, wife, mother and professional. In the process of getting to know this new someone, I get to know myself better.

Women are social by nature. We are the communicators, the connectors, and it's important for our health and well being to intentionally make time to be with friends, old and new. In generations gone by women would gather face to face to discuss, share, problem solve and brainstorm everything from relationships to social causes. Technology has given us a different kind of connection which certainly has it's value, but it contributes to us having a lot less "face time" with each other.

For women, friendship is about finding kindred spirits with passions and interests that mirror and contribute to our own. We thrive on connecting with others who understand exactly where we're coming from. I think adding to our inner circle starts with deciding that our friendship dance card is never full, and being open to putting ourselves into new situations that provide opportunities to meet new people. When we take the time to engage in conversation with a new face and express a genuine interest in finding out who they are, I think we'll all be surprised at how often we'll hear the "click".

Two Different Colored Socks

A wise woman...colors outside the lines. 

While Christmas shopping this year I came upon a silver pendant that had THE most perfect message on it for one of my daughters. It simply read, "color outside the lines". I raced home with this little winner in my pocket and promptly tucked it into my secret Christmas hiding place. I couldn't wait to give it to her.

I continued to joyfully tackle the lengthy list of Christmas to-do's for the next few weeks, but I couldn't stop thinking about the necklace. Why was I so excited, and my mind so preoccupied, with this message?

As the holiday hullabaloo wound down the ah-ha moment came quite quickly. While I thought I was giving my daughter some sage wisdom that I hoped she would live her life by, I realized that my enthusiasm for this message was because it has one of MY greatest life lessons ~ that ironically I learned from my daughters.

My rigid thinking, rules oriented upbringing certainly influenced how I parented my daughters when they were little. Fortunately with their help and guidance, I've learned how to re-prioritize some things. 

Now I'm not talking about moral or legal things, without societal guidelines we'd all run amok. I'm talking about important things like matching socks, creative thinking and other ways we express ourselves to discover our own person-hood. Coloring outside the lines when we are little affects how we approach the bigger stuff later - like how we goal set, find solutions, release our imagination, or choose careers and partners. I'd venture to say that without coloring outside the lines (or in adult speak, out of the box thinking) we'd be void of life's greatest discoveries and inventions. "If you continue to think like you've always thought...."

I am so grateful that my girls intuitively followed their inner wisdom and boldly colored outside of the lines that I was conditioned to draw for them as a parent. 

Each day, I remind myself to take a page out of my daughter's book and give myself permission to color inside as well as outside of my lines...and that living it in full color is a lot more fun.

If I were to do it all over again...I'd wear two different colored socks.

We're Connected, And So Is Our Joy

A wise woman...knows that JOY is a choice

We're now in full swing with the holiday season, and the notion of bringing Joy to the World naturally comes to the forefront of our minds. We often refer to this as the Christmas Spirit - a state of being that I am personally committed to encouraging year round.

By now you have most likely heard about this 20 year study on happiness conducted by Harvard, but just in case it slipped past your radar, I've included a link to the study below. My hope is that this article will serve as a reminder for all of us of the powerful impact we personally have on the world around us.

While the whole article is filled with golden nuggets, two lines in particular struck an important chord with me, "Whether you're happy depends not just on your own actions and behaviours and thoughts, but on those of people you don't even know." and "The pursuit of happiness is not a solitary goal," Fowler said. "We are connected, and so is our joy."

Perhaps this proven contagiousness of happiness and joy supports the idea that we ALL have a personal opportunity, and maybe even accountability, to promote and manifest joy around us with deliberate intent.

To quote Lou Tice from The Pacific Institute,“ it starts in the inside (of us), and works its way out”.

My challenge to you?  Deliberately choose to be in a happy state, conduct random acts of kindness, offer a smile or encouraging word, purposefully look for the good around you - in others and in circumstances.

As it turns out…how we are inside makes a huge difference to those around us.

Wishing you a joyous holiday season surrounded by an abundance of joy clusters and the people you love.

Cheers,

Lauri

Joy to the world is contagious: study

http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2008/12/04/happiness.html

Press the Pause Button!

A wise woman...remembers to pause often ~ for the health of it.

I think a person would have to be living under a rock to have not been exposed to the abundance of messages and information out there encouraging us to slow down and take care of ourselves.

While it's easy for us get this on a conceptual level, we still seem to be struggling with it on an implementation level. Knowing and doing are two very different things.

Without taking regular time to pause, we're asking for trouble. All work and no play not only makes Jane dull, it makes Jane a stressed girl too, and stress causes disease...get it?

dis-ease

We'll continue to find creative ways of reminding women to pause more often. In the meantime, enjoy this reminder from Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love.

Ease by Elizabeth Gilbert

"We are the strivingest people who have ever lived. We are ambitious, time-starved, competitive, distracted. We move at full velocity, yet constantly fear we are not doing enough.Though we live longer than any humans before us, our lives feel shorter, restless, breathless...

Dear ones, EASE UP. Pump the brakes. Take a step back. Seriously. Take TWO steps back. Turn off all your electronics and surrender over all your aspirations and do absolutely nothing for a spell. I know, I know – we all need to save the world. But trust me: the world will still need saving tomorrow. In the meantime, you’re going to have a stroke soon (or cause a stroke in somebody else) if you don’t calm the hell down.

So go take a walk. Or don’t. Consider actually exhaling. Find a body of water and float. Hit a tennis ball against a wall. Tell your colleagues that you’re off meditating (people take meditation seriously, so you’ll be absolved from guilt) and then actually, secretly, nap.

My radical suggestion? Cease participation, if only for one day this year – if only to make sure that we don’t lose forever the rare and vanishing human talent of appreciating ease"

Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of Eat, Pray, Love. Excerpt from Seth Godin's free ebook "What Matters Now". To download your own copy follow this link.  http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2009/12/what-matters-now-get-the-free-ebook.html

Choosing Friends with Intention

A wise woman...surrounds herself with people who are good for her.

I remember the first time I gave conscious thought to the whole notion of friendship. I was at a conference and the keynote speaker talked about how much we're impacted by the people around us, and reminded us to be deliberate and intentional about who we spend time with. I came home from the conference thinking non-stop about this message and how it applied to me. Over the next few months I found myself giving serious thought to who I was spending time with, and more importantly, how I felt when I was with them.

For me it came down to two basic questions. Does this person leave me feeling good, or not so good? What I discovered is that there were many friends who left me feeling positive, happy and energized. Woo hoo! There were other friends however, that left me feeling negative, down, and a bit of the life sucked out of me.

While I felt loads of gratitude about the friends that I thought were good for me, I was at the same time questioning why I was spending time with people who weren't making a particularly positive impact on my life. These were my "glass half empty" friends - the ones who have good hearts, but also gave me the distinct privilege of listening to them constantly vent about what was wrong with the world, and for whom things never seemed to go right. Ugh...

This realization prompted me to do something rather bold. I brazenly sat down and wrote a list of the characteristics of the kinds of friends I was looking for - and lo and behold...they started to appear.

While I could wax eloquent about the cognitive psychological reasoning for my ability to identify these new friends with my desired characteristics - the effortless reason is - because I was deliberate and intentional about identifying what I was looking for.

My big "ah-ha" with this experience was that in the past I had been very unintentional about creating my social sphere, and that in order to be good to myself, it was important to make friendships with deliberate intent versus by default.

I still love my glass half empty friends, I just choose to appreciate them in smaller doses.