A wise woman...graciously accepts a compliment with a simple, "thank you".
Like most people, I feel stronger and get a boost of energy when someone takes the time to let me know they think I'm on the right track. Mind you, it must be authentic praise. Most of us have developed a pretty fine tuned "BS-O-Meter" - we can detect a hidden agenda from a mile away.
But even when it is authentic, I continue to be fascinated by the relationship that our culture has with receiving praise.
Why do so many of us, particularly women, push praise away when it's offered with responses such as - "Oh, this old thing?" or "Oh, it was nothing." or "Oh, they're just being polite." and my personal favorite, "Oh, you haven't had your eyes checked lately have you!"
Why do so many of us, particularly women, push praise away when it's offered with responses such as - "Oh, this old thing?" or "Oh, it was nothing." or "Oh, they're just being polite." and my personal favorite, "Oh, you haven't had your eyes checked lately have you!"
Why is it so difficult for us to simply say - thank you?
I know, we're taught to be humble, which is a good thing a lot of the time - but is it necessary ALL of the time? Cognitive Psychologists have been encouraging us for decades to accept praise because they know it strengthens us to take on new things in our lives.
And what about the praise-giver? If we choose to push praise away we're also choosing not to value the judgment of others, let alone honour their kind gesture.
Let's make a collective "pinkie swear" with each other that we will practice, and become skilled at, the art of graciously accepting authentic praise with a simple thank you. It's one of the best things we can do to take care of ourselves.
Hi Lauri,
ReplyDeleteI just knew I had to come and check out your blog post on praise after you read mine on why we doubt ourselves. What you say is so true. I think culture can often have a big impact on this phenomenon as well. I once did a 6 month internship in China and I particularly found there that deflecting compliments was expected. It got kind of tiring after a while.
We've somehow come to see accepting praise as being conceited and many people seem to feel much more comfortable when they are deflecting. I agree, let's turn it around!
Look forward to more of your thoughts in the future,
Beth
Beth,
ReplyDeleteThanks for offering another layer of wisdom on the notion of praise. As usual...well said!
What I think we forget is that it is possible for us to humbly accept praise with grace, and still let it in.
When we get in the habit of deflecting authentic, well-earned praise neither the giver nor the receiver benefits from the exchange.
When we let praise "in", or in other words, sanction it, we walk a little taller and become a bit stronger. When we strengthen ourselves we are better able to take on the next goal or big challenge in our lives.
If we were raised to be "Habitual Praise Deflecters" it may take some practice to retrain our usual response to praise - but it can be done. It starts with controlling the little voice in your head and helping it to simply respone with "thank you". Over time, easier and easier!
Hi Lauri,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your additional words. Can you believe that I did it again last night...deflected praise? At a party someone said I always look so thin and I said, oh wow, and I even want to lose 10 pounds right now! Sigh. It's so easy to not just say 'thanks', isn't it? Something most of us probably have to work at (as you say, it takes time), but clearly something I still do! :-)