When it comes to living the life she imagines...

...a Wise Woman insists on erasing certain things from her vocabulary.

It's January 18th, half way into the first of twelve months in 2011. Perhaps like you, I have been giving tremendous thought and making plans for how I want my next year to unfold, while at the same time reflecting on how 2010 turned out.

This last year was full of surprises for me. Some things I had planned for didn't come close to what I had imagined while other opportunities presented themselves from what seemed like left field. But when it's all said and done, there were still wonderful strides made toward some of my 'big hairy audacious goals' for how I want my life to be - it just didn't happen in the way that I had imagined.

Doing this reflection has reminded me just how important it is to remain open and flexible with respect to goal setting.

"Stay focused on the goal - remain flexible with how you get there." Lou Tice 

One of the other things I remind myself of on a daily (OK, sometimes hourly) basis is to watch my language when it comes to goal setting and creating the life I want. What I say to myself, and what I listen to from others, has a tremendous impact on how things go. If I believe something is impossible, I'll subconsciously find all sorts of evidence to prove that I'm right. Of course the opposite is also true - if I believe something is possible, I'll subconsciously look for evidence to support that belief as well. 

The bottom line is that I have a choice - and I choose to remove certain words from my vocabulary that won't help me move forward. The more I use words that are positive, the stronger I feel. The stronger I feel, the more confident and creative I am to go after the life I have imagined.

After all, whenever we have created something wonderful in our lives - no matter what it is - it's usually because we were open to what was possible.

A Wise Woman...

...in all her glory

Every Friday night, on the island of Molokai, the Wise Women of the island known as "The Aunties" gather around a long table at the local hotel to play their ukuleles, and to sing the songs they most likely learned from their Aunties. Locals and tourists alike ensure that they arrive by 5 o'clock sharp to watch the Aunties play in all their glory and sing the old Hawaiian songs. While there's no question that these elder gals were having copious amounts of fun, there was also no question in my mind that these Friday nights are keeping the culture and traditions alive and well on Molokai.

This Auntie captured my special attention. She slowly entered the room with the aid of a walker, dressed in a red and white muumuu, complete with straw hat and festive yellow lei. Her companions turned her chair to face the audience, she took her seat, raised her arms, positioned her hands, and began to dance a sitting hula. Immediately her face reflected pure joy, and it looked to me as though she mentally transported herself to her happy place. 

I couldn't stop photographing her, which was an amazing accomplishment given the inconvenient position of the light, coupled with the volume of tears running down my cheeks. These were a few magical moments indeed, as I watched the essence of living a joyful life being performed right in front of me.

After enjoying some coconut shrimp, a glass of chilled white and a little cavorting with the locals, it was time to call it a night. On my way to the car...who was sitting on a bench waiting for her escort, but my favorite sitting hula Auntie. I stopped to thank her for giving us all the privilege of watching her dance, and she invited me to sit down beside her. I had a hundred questions on the tip of my tongue, and of course just as graciously as she danced, she answered the only question I needed to ask, "What brings you here?"

She grew up on Molokai, has outlived 2 husbands and some children, still lives on her own, and except for the time she was recovering from her stroke, she comes to dance every Friday night. "As long as there's someone who's willing to bring me, I'll be here", she said. 

From our brief conversation on the bench, it was clear to me that this Wise Woman has lived a full colour life - with all of the joys and sorrows it has to offer.  "I don't know why I'm still on this earth", she offered, "but as long as I am, I may as well do the things that make me happy."

And there it was...the gold nugget. Not rocket science - just simple wisdom.

 

Who knows why any of us are still here - at any age - but as long as we are, we may as well do the things that make us happy.

Look at the joy on this Auntie's face...she's radiant.

What gives you this kind of look on your face?

More importantly...

When was the last time you did it?

Mahalo

(Happy Birthday Mum)

Praciticing The Art of Silliness

I'm sure by now you must be familiar with the Red Hat Ladies. They're the crazy 50+ gals sitting next to you in the restaurant dressed in flamboyant shades of red and purple who are collectively laughing out loud. These zany Red Hatters seem committed to the art of silliness - as evidenced by their midnight tricycle rides in Walmart, while their feather boas flap recklessly behind them.

For more than 10 years I watched my mum's Red Hat shenanigans from the sidelines. And while initially I rolled my eyes at the colourful 'goings-on', it didn't take too many years before I realized / admitted that these middle aged gals may be on to something.

These sliver-coiffed souls have "been there, done that." They've successfully (and sometimes not so successfully) come through life's phases and landed on the other side having gained some genuine wisdom. They know all about establishing careers, raising families, re-establishing careers, re-defining who they are, not taking themselves too seriously, empty nests, hot flashes and even diagnosis. They're well versed in glass ceilings, endless opportunities, burning the two ended candle, setting priorities, the futility of wrinkle cream, the value of true friendship, and the things that really matter in life. 

The Red Hat Society - "We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life, and since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next."

As I was preparing for our 7th Annual Wise Women's Weekend this coming weekend, I came across this photo of some of my Wise Women and I taken a couple years ago. When I look at this image I see women who didn't know each other very well 7 years ago, and now are the essence of how the Red Hatters define themselves. Each year we get to know each other just a little better - and it does feel like we are in this together. We each offer our own version of what gusto is, and our affection for each other is indeed forged by common life experiences and genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next. 

It's safe to be silly in this crowd. Where there's silliness, there's laughter. I think the Red Hatters would tell us that when it's all said and done - laughter is one of those things in life that matter the very most.

5th Annual Wise Women's Weekend

 

When was the last time you allowed yourself to approach silliness with reckless abandon?

Go ahead, today's a great day to practice the art  of silliness!

Choices, Priorities & Gratitude

A Wise Woman...knows when it's time to focus on other important things.

My goodness, was my last post really in May? The more I think about it, the more that makes sense.

In June my husband at the ripe old age of 49 received a new hip, something he's been waiting for, for a very long time...and my focus moved to supporting him.

We both learned so much through this process, about ourselves, and about each other. I remain in awe of his quiet determination, and still wonder if I could approach such a life altering experience with such grace.

I'm grateful to have had the kind of schedule that allowed me to be with him every day so that I could support him, and be there to celebrate the large and small wins along the way as he learned to walk again.

I'm also grateful to see our household get back to more familiar rhythms. He's enjoying being back at work - as am I - and the kids seem to settling in with their respective studies. Fall always feels like a pseudo New Year to me, and as we wind September up and refocus our energies, we're all a little closer, and a little wiser from the experience.

Onward!

Girl Time is Good For Your Health

A Wise Woman...doesn't need to justify the time she spends with her girlfriends. 

Women are the Connectors, the Communicators; with some exceptions, the majority of us are hardwired to process our lives verbally in the presence of each other. In past generations women gathered together much more frequently than our current lifestyles allow.

Women today know that they can have/do/be 'it all', which is wonderful indeed. However for many of us, having 'it all' means we fill our schedules to the absolute brim, leaving little or no room for having the important 'face-time' we need with our favorite female friends.

I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I have heard women say, "So, I'm busy, every woman I know is. Is that really such a bad thing?"

• Valorie Burton, author of How Did I Get So Busy? reports that "76% of women feel they are busier now than they were five years ago."
• Burton also writes that, "80% of women say their schedules are somewhat or entirely over-committed.
• Busy-ness is now being called "The Modern Disease."
• Connie Merritt, author of Too Busy For Your Own Good reports that "90% of visits to our primary care physicians are due to stress related issues."

See the domino effect?

When our lives become too busy the first thing we tend to let go of is our female friendships, when ironically it's often our friendships that keep us feeling balanced and centered. I think many of us hold a subconscious truth that the time spent with our friends is a luxury, or a guilty pleasure.

The real truth is that women are stronger when they connect with each other. I know whenever I spend time with my girlfriends I come away feeling understood, connected, even validated. It's an affirming feeling to spend time with women who are also experiencing the same ups, downs, twists and turns in life that I am. From listening to each other and offering our own stories, we discover a powerful shared identification that strengthens each of us.

Technology and social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn are all wonderful tools that help us connect in ways that only ten years ago we couldn't have imagined. But this is a different kind of connection that's void of the value we gain from being present in the same room with each other.

Dr. Ruth Josselson, author of Best Friends writes, "...we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience." 

Let's be deliberate and intentional about gathering our gals together on a regular basis. We don't need to justify the time we spend with them, because it's actually good for our health.

Grownup Gals and Their BFFs

A Wise Woman...chooses friendships with care.

When was the last time you made room in your brain to consider the girlfriends you've attracted into your life?

I know you're busy, and as a grownup gal with a very full life you may feel like you have enough to think about in a day, but give this a moment or two. Think about each friend you spend time with, and listen to your internal voice. What do you hear? How do you feel?
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        Picture - BFFs Bella and Tara

When we give this some honest thought we might be surprised, pleasantly or otherwise, at what we find. Hopefully the things you hear and feel confirm that you've chosen friendships that are good for you. You deserve that. Sometimes though, we hear and feel something different. We can't quite put our finger on it - we just know that we don't feel good about things, or even ourselves, after we've spent time with them.

The key word here is knowing. We all have this place of knowing - the place where we access our intuition or our "gut instincts" that signal us to do or not to do something. Mine is located where my solar plexus is, and over the years I've learned to trust it and treat it with the greatest of respect. It knows! The trick for me is to listen to it in the first place. 

I know I have chosen friendships well when I feel good about who she is, while enjoying who I am when I'm with her. It doesn't mean we have to agree on everything or even have most things in common. It does mean however that egos are "checked at the door", there are no prejudices or judgments and we both feel comfortable to be who we are, knowing we'll be loved and respected unconditionally. 

It's not a stretch for most of us to imagine that we are affected physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually, by the people we spend time with. Doesn't it make sense then, while we're eating right, exercising and getting enough sleep, to add choosing our friends with care and intention to the list?

For a great example of how to do this, take another couple of minutes to watch this clip. You'll be glad you did!

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Watch BFFs Bella the elephant and Tara the dog

Gratitude, Ah-Ha Moments & Dancing

A Wise Woman...wants what she has.

All I have to do is turn on the TV, open a magazine, newspaper, look at a billboard or simply tap into the person's mind standing next to me to find one of the zillion "grass is greener" messages that we're bombarded with every day. You know the ones. They're the "your life will be better and you'll finally be happy when you have/do/buy/obtain/find/create this next great thing". If we're not paying attention and being conscious these messages can, in a nanosecond, alter the lens we look at our lives through - and not always for the better.

It happened to me one Sunday morning. I was the first one up so I tip toed to the kitchen - the best place to be in the house to enjoy the morning sun that pours through the windows. I made some coffee, lit a fire in the fireplace to make it nice and cozy, and settled into my favorite chair to enjoy some rare TV time alone. I love weekend mornings at home. After clicking through the channels I finally landed on a home improvement show.  In the next 60 minutes I not only finished two cups of coffee, I also learned that;

• if we don't have curb appeal we'll be under-living our lives
• small spaces must be made to look big - because apparently small is bad
• all the stuff we did to the house last year is...so last year.

By the time I heard the footsteps of the next family member to awaken, I was already mentally moving from room to room making note of all the things that were now wrong with "this place" that only an hour before I was enjoying and had felt so cozy in. How did that happen?

There was the ah-ha moment - the realization that too often I (and I suspect I'm not alone in this) was subconsciously buying into the advertiser's idea of what was right and what would make me happy. And while I'm a huge advocate for improving our lives, both inside and out, it became crystal clear to me that what really makes me happy is allowing myself to be present enough to simply want and enjoy what we have right now, in this moment. 

What a concept. Of course the retail world (who sponsor these programs) isn't keen on me wanting what I have because their goal is to help me become unsatisfied enough to want what they have.

Perhaps the insight here is to enjoy improving or changing ourselves and our surroundings while at the same time choosing to enjoy and want what "is" now.

A Wise Woman Enterprises was created to support women as they pause more often, connect with each other, and celebrate their lives. To want what we have, to appreciate exactly where we are right here, right now, just as things are - is a wonderful way to celebrate our lives.

Enjoy this You Tube video of The Gratitude Dance which was created by 'The Gratidudes' in of moment of celebration at a coffee shop in Victoria, BC, Canada while writing their book about Manifesting Awesomeness. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9z2ELaBVJY